I have been trying to write this post for weeks and haven’t been able to muster up the strength or put together the words. Honestly, I’m unsure of how I feel about the whole thing. You see I haven’t left New York, I haven’t fled the city like the majority of my friends. At times I feel indignant and jealous of those who left, even though I know everyone did what was best for them. Although almost everyday I think to myself that I wish I had left.

How I’m Really Feeling

Being completely alone in my one bedroom Brooklyn apartment is difficult to be honest. I feel uncomfortable, but safe at the same time. I haven’t been outside for almost 4 weeks now, except for one time a week I use to take my trash and recycling outside. Maybe I’m being overly cautious and dramatic, but I don’t want to risk it. Especially as someone who is prone to getting sick easily and as someone who has asthma.

Being in my apartment is like another world. Not being able to leave makes me imagine life somewhere else. My close friends can confirm this with the daily Zillow links I am sending. I don’t feel like I’m in New York. I miss it even though I haven’t even left. It’s the most strange feeling in the world. As a way to cope, remember, and remind myself why I am still here I made a list of the things I miss most about living New York City.

The Things I Miss

 

  1. Walking the two and a half blocks to the subway station to get on and be almost anywhere in a matter of minutes
  2. Getting up early for a photoshoot and watching the sun rise over the city while taking the subway across the Manhattan Bridge
  3. Grabbing a bacon egg and cheese and sitting outside the Met people watching whilst devouring the melty eggy goodness.
  4. Noisy streets. This may be a strange on but I miss the beeping, yelling, and all other noise that comes with living in a city. The only traffic I hear is sirens of ambulances shuttling people to hospitals, and the occasional bus, police officer. At this point I would gladly welcome the noise of an angry cab driver yelling outside my window. As to make the sirens not as obvious every time they sound off.
  5. Finding the perfect outfit and getting dressed up to meet friends for brunch at the cutest spots in the city.
  6. Plant shopping at the union square farmers market. No further explanation needed.
  7. Getting strange looks from New Yorkers on their daily commute as I take over the top Instagram photos in the middle of midtown at 7am on a Tuesday
  8. Making up a picnic and heading to Coney Island or Brooklyn Bridge Park by myself and spending the morning in solitude people watching, listening to music and sketching out ideas. 
  9. Taking an Uber or Lyft home from a night out in Manhattan and looking at all the lights twinkle as we cross the Brooklyn Bridge while playing Taylor Swift’s Welcome to New York in my head
  10. Getting up early on a Sunday morning and going to an almost empty Times Square to catch a matinee showing of a movie and having the entire stadium style movie theatre to myself.
  11. Having friends from out of town visit and playing tour guide for the day and doing all the best touristy things NYC has to offer.

Of course I miss lots of other amazing things but these are my top eleven things that I miss. I tried pairing it down to ten but I simply couldn’t choose what to eliminate.

I hope this little glimmer into my life in NYC is something you can hold onto for hope for the future. These things are so special to me and I’m willing to wait. I’m willing to hold out hope for my safety and ability to experience these wonderful things again and to cherish them even more. What kinds of things are you missing the most and holding onto for hope in this time? Let me know in the comments.

XO,

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